This post is dedicated to the three couples I know that are experiencing a breakup. Been thinking a lot and praying for them while I was inspired to write this post for similar people who are going through non-reconcilable times in relationships. Please hear me upfront, God does not recommend divorce in the bible, in fact God hates divorce. Jesus said, Because of your hardness of heart God allowed divorce! However if you have crossed the threshold level in your relationship and there seems to be absolutely no hope in continuing in it, here are some phases you would need to go through as you grow strong and move on.
1.Wounded Hearts and Souls:
One of the common things after you exit out of a relationship is continuously accusing each other and blaming each other for the relationship not working out. This is very obvious, it started back in the garden of eden when Adam accused Eve before God for not being able to obey God. Two things you gotta remember when you accuse the other person. No matter how much justifiable are your reasons and accusations; you are holding hands with the devil when you get involved in accusing someone. Second the bitterness in your heart will only increase and hurt you even more. The ideal and godly way to escape this is to forgive. Make a commitment in the heart to release and forgive the other person, pray and confess it to the Lord, speak to the other person if practical. This will not only release you from the hurt but also make you eligible for forgiveness before God!! (Matt 6:14)
2.Rejection and Unloved Feelings:
Another common thing to deal with in a breakup is the effect of rejection and feeling of not being not loved. This is vividly evident especially when the breakup is due to your partner being involved with someone else. It is absolutely reasonable. If you read through the book of prophets you will be able to get a glimpse of the heart and mind of God, of how much Israel’s rejection and ungrateful nature hurt God. What is the biblical way to respond to this? Not that you should ignore it and become hard hearted, nor that you will take it in so much that you will sink into depression! It is just that you learn to be fulfilled and satisfied only by God’s love and goodness. That’s the one thing that will remain constant and unchanging forever. The cross stands up tall in the history to remind us of the same. Revel in the fact that God still accepts you as you are! He will never leave you nor forsake you. It is better to trust in him than in people.
Often moving on after a relationship is the toughest. One of the reason is the traditional, critical, and non=supportive society which sadly includes the church and her leaders most of the time. There are some things that you need to remember at this juncture. Man was not made for marriage, but marriage was made for Man. Man was made for God!! If you have failed in your relationship or marriage, it doesn’t mean you have lost everything. The primary purpose of our life is a healthy relationship with God, failing which we have failed everything. Most of the things including the financial system, the social hierarchy, the judicial system that we see here will still be there in heaven, of course in a refined form. The only thing that will not be there in heaven is the Marital system. Jesus said, you will be like the angels not marrying nor giving in to marriage. As long as you are willing to work on your relationship with God, you are still eligible to move on.
This is the phase when you are emotionally stable and ready to make a decision. Never make a decision when you are high or low on emotions. You might not be able to see it go through. Hence it is important that you wait till you have passed the emotional turmoil to come to be in a position to make a decision concerning your relationship and your future. You might need to make several decisions when it comes to things like the place you work, the place you stay, also at times the church you fellowship at. Always seek Godly and elderly counsel before you take any decisions whether big or small. Decisions should be made led by the Spirit, based on the word and in ways that will edify you.
This is the final, but the most significant phase that you have to reach after a breakup. It is place where you again start experiencing perfect Love Joy and Peace! As long as you aren’t experiencing that you still need restoration in some area of your life. The fruit of the Spirit is the gauge by which you will be able to measure the level to which you have moved on and grown out of that particular relationship. If you aren’t patient, kind and good with people you meet everyday it means that you still have hurt feelings in your heart towards your partner; that you haven’t released yet. If you aren’t able to demonstrate faithfulness, gentleness and self-control in your life, you still need to forgive yourself! Please don’t give up or enter into a new relationship till you have experienced complete restoration.
If you continue to face problems do speak to your pastor or his wife, you are also always welcome to send me a mail at firstname.lastname@example.org. May the God of restoration bless your future relationships.