Preparing for Marriage (with Pastors Jeevan & Leena)
This podcast is a repost, originally published on Feb 25, 2017
Continuing with the talks on preparing for marriage, Pastor Priji converses with Pastors Jeevan and Leena Kumar on seeking God’s will and honouring Him in the time of courtship.
Pastor Priji Varghese: How can one know for sure that person that God is directing to get married to?
Pastor Jeevan Kumar: It is a process. You need to take it to God in prayer and wait. Seek God first.
You need to share and take advice from mentors.
Pastor Priji Varghese: How long was the gap between you meeting each other and getting married.
Pastor Leena Kumar: It was just a month.
Pastor Priji Varghese: In that limited one month period, how did you get sure that you are making the right choice?
Pastor Jeevan Kumar: Our parents were on the look for a life partner for us. On the very first time of meeting her, I knew she was the one I’m to get married to, but I decided to wait on God to lead and ordain His will. I had asked God to make her take a decision and waited for her to do so.
God dealt with our lives. When we got to know each other, God began confirming to both that we’re meant for each other. We embraced each other.
We took it to our parents and though they were taken by surprise, there were no hassles. God took care of everything and within a month, we were married.
Pastor Priji Varghese: From a woman’s perspective when you are fearful and not sure, how can one continue to remain confident?
Pastor Leena Kumar: I had asked God that if this was His will, He must give us peace in all the areas surrounding it. Even though we were from different states, our parents approved and continuously God maintained that peace in it as I had asked for.
This was my case, it is not necessary that it would be the same for all though.
Pastor Priji Varghese: Don’t give a commitment till you get the confirmation from God.
Pastor Leena Kumar: I had asked Him to be lead by pastors and our mentors and then only proceed into marriage.
Pastor Priji Varghese: Once you are completely sure, what are the dos ans donts to follow till the day of marriage?
Pastor Jeevan Kumar: You must continue to look to God and lean on Him. Keep Him your first priority.
Guard your heart. Do not take the person or relationship for granted.
Do only what God wants you to do.
Pastor Priji Varghese: The goal must to to glorify God rather than enjoying the relationship. That must be secondary to God.
Instead of compromising your purity, pray to God, study the Bible or go to church together.
Pastor Jeevan Kumar: Let your conversations be about God and to build each other in God.
Pastor Priji Varghese: Couples spend a lot of time talking with each other. I did too. We must tithe our times together, spending that time in praying or studying the Word together.
If you are not sure of the person, it is better not to do so because these things can create a bond that doesn’t break easily.
Pastor Jeevan Kumar: When we decided to marry, we decided that whatever we do, we do it for God.
Pastor Priji Varghese: Building your relationship so in a Godly manner spills on from your courtship into your marriage.
What role do families, especially parents, play in the relationship from the time their children are committed till their marriage? How do we honour them and do only what God wants?
Pastor Jeevan Kumar: Parents do delight in their children’s marriage. However, they can easily get too preoccupied with the relatives and culture and traditions and drift away from God.
So, when we were committed, we decided that we are not going to follow traditions, we’re going to stand on God’s Word.
Parents must have felt bad, but it is not easy to make them understand at times because they have come to a place where they do not want to learn from you.
You must try to rely on the Holy Spirit to teach them with love. Trust God. Let Him work.
Pastor Priji Varghese: How can children of unbelieving parents deal with such situations, as they cannot use the Word to talk to them?
Pastor Leena Kumar: Prayer is the key. Rely on God. He will help change their mind.
Pastor Jeevan Kumar: Let the pastors or mentors also be included.
Pastor Priji Varghese: It is important to have a mentor who is married and can advice them accordingly.
What is the extent to which there must be accountability between the couple and their pastor/church? Is there a benefit?
Pastor Jeevan Kumar: You must be completely accountable. Either you are accountable or not; there is no mid way.
The benefit is that you honour God and the man or woman God has placed in your life. You also give space for a man/woman of God to stand with you before God.
Pastor Priji Varghese: It is not because they are your pastors, but because in God’s eyes, they are your spiritual parents.
There might be differences in their opinions, but you take it to God. Let Him be the One to decide not the pastor.
Being led by your pastor, keeps your relationship with God in check.
How can couples continue to walk with God even though they desire to give their partner their best.
Pastor Jeevan Kumar: God must be the first priority whether you are in a relationship or not, and even after marriage.
When God is your priority, everything that His will is becomes our priority. It becomes easy.
Pastor Priji Varghese: What have you seen young people do that has been fatal to their relationship?
Pastor Jeevan Kumar: One of the reasons is not listening to God or to their mentors.
When they do so and rely completely on their own desires, the enemy takes hold.
Pastors Jeevan and Leena can be contacted through their website here.
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